Dear ABBY: I have been married for 27 years with two children. My wife recently revealed to me that she was raped when she was 14, but said she was not violent. She also said she had several adult partners when she was 15 and 16. We had discussed our past before marriage and these things were not mentioned. If they had been, I wouldn’t have married him.
It’s hard to even look at it now. I feel like telling her I want a divorce, but I’m looking for a second opinion on what I should do. Am I being ridiculous for wanting a divorce over things that happened 35 years ago? –– DROP IN MISSOURI
DEAR DROPPED: Consent laws can be confusing and can change over time, and a lot can depend on the age of each partner. However, rap is rap. When your wife was 15 and 16 years old adult he may also have been breaking the law by having sex with her, even consensually. After all, she could have benefited from counseling (if it had been offered).
Your wife may not have discussed this before because she was afraid that your reaction would be as high as it has been. Before you decide to divorce her because of being victimized as a teenager, I urge you to consult a licensed therapist either alone or with her. Doing so will give you a better perspective.
Dear ABBY: My first real love growing up was a woman named “Sasha”. We had a whirlwind romance in the mid-80s. At the time, I thought she was the only one. The romance ended when she told me she was married. The last time I saw her was with her husband in a nightclub in the 80s.
I left and married someone else in 1990. Still, I think about Sasha sometimes. I don’t remember her married last name so I can’t find it. My wife thinks it’s crazy that I would want to talk to Sasha. I want to ask her if our relationship was real and if she loved me. When I was traveling in the area where I met Sasha, I would watch people to see if I could bump into her. So you think I’m crazy for wanting to just have a chat with Sasha? –– HE DID IT IN CALIFORNIA
Dear Bittersweet: 40 years have passed since your whirlwind romance with Sasha. What was a whirlwind romance for you may have been a thing for him. She should have told you from the beginning that she was married, but she didn’t, which makes me think she didn’t love you. People who love each other try to protect each other. Which brings me to your question. No, I don’t think you’re crazy, but I think it’s time you stop trying to revisit the past.
TO MY READERS: Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement, begins at sunset. During this 24-hour period, the Jewish people observe fasting, engage in reflection and prayer, and formally repent for any sins that may have been committed during the previous Jewish year. To all of you who observe – may your fasting be meaningful. –– I LOVE ABBY
Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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